Meanwhile, back at the factory, I am multitasking by writing this as I speak to my press agent. We are discussing the financial news media. It had been so long since I viewed it that I was unaware of its new penchant for the dramatic—very gripping. Gone are the subtleties of fastidious reporting, replaced now with all of the grit and guts of a high-profile sporting event. The modern market buzz words—“game plan,” “discipline,” “focus,” “cheerlead,” “put the hurt on”—are just the pep talk financial players need to pump them up for game time.
Some of the commentators even fight with each other—revealing their true competitor spirits. Though currently they only engage in verbal and written combat, I can’t help but wonder (hope) if its all a slow build up to the actual physical showdown. Just imagine, in the years to come, there may be a division of the UFC that allows these people to not just argue, but beat each other up in a public format! Someone get Dana White on the phone!!
Unlike the National Football League, however, our business sport is not yet reaching a wide enough audience. Instead of beer commercials, business news media sources run local targeted advertising. Last month, one of my informants forwarded me a stunning piece of propaganda by a real estate association claiming that “on average the price of a home nearly doubles every ten years.” They actually related this over the airwaves!
As the sport of financial journalism grows, so too will the advertising base. Perhaps someday local advertising will be replaced by national campaigns by the major brewing companies.
Where exactly I fit into this commentating is yet to be determined. At this point, no one really knows what to think of me. As I continue on my mission, we will all gain clarity.
But I digress. Now on to today’s market…
Stock futures were off overnight and opened lower Monday. They continued to march higher all day long in a generally light session. The S&P pit traded contract is starting to see a return to higher volumes. Whether this is just traders returning back after August is unclear. I’ll stay on the case. The S&P ended higher 6.61 points at 1049.34 or up +.63%.
Goldman Sachs Chief Economist O’Neil was on the wire today. He assured that the economy remains in a period of recovery, and that the recession ended back in the second quarter. He also spoke to the strengths of policymakers, saying they deserve credit for their actions.
According to sources I read, the Goldman fraternity is a very highly compensated bunch. It is no wonder their chief economist is saying good things about policymakers—that is what they pay him extremely well to do.
In other sound bytes, the Fed’s Lacker says “a new regime is needed to manage Fannie Mae (FNM) and Freddie Mac (FRE).” A profound statement indeed; though it would have been far more profound 15 years ago.
And now for the pinnacle of daily intelligence. Advisory: This is so stunning you almost have to read it twice. This is definitely not being discussed on television. The New York Times reports the following:
Wall Street Pursues Profit in Bundles of Life Insurance
That’s right, as if the securitization problems in mortgages were not enough, we may have found something else to securitize. Banks will package life insurance policies into bonds that will be sold to investors. I quote:
“The idea is still in the planning stages. But already ‘our phones have been ringing off the hook with inquiries,’ says Kathleen Tillwitz, a senior vice president at DBRS, which gives risk ratings to investments and is reviewing nine proposals for life-insurance securitizations from private investors and financial firms, including Credit Suisse.”
Well, as long as the phones are ringing off the hook, It must be a grand idea!
To sum everything up, nothing much changed on Wall Street today.
The beat goes on.
Saturday, April 11, 2026 
